Oh the Holidays

Okay, I love holidays. Except for the "I eat different things than everyone in my family" part. My family members are accomodating, but it still sucks. While I have foods to eat, those foods aren't incorporated into the overall meal. Instead, they make "special" food just for me. I don't know why they sign on for more work like this. For example, instead of just making mashed potatoes with soymilk for everyone, the cook will take out some potatoes and make me my own batch of mashed potatoes with soymilk. Then the cook will make everyone else's mashed potatoes with dairy milk. WHY?! Who wouldn't think to just veganize dishes? It can be done! And the dishes would be healthier!

While I appreciate the consideration that people give, I am letting all of you know who may have a family member with different dietary guidelines, the nicest thing you can do is incorporate that into the meal for everyone. Having a dish that falls outside these guidelines, like in this case a turkey, is fine. But no matter what the dietary restriction, there is a lot of food that can be made. Why not incorporate those foods into your meal so that everyone can share food and feel the same? Make several dishes that are delicious that everyone can eat. Don't make the person bring his or her own food. While I would be happy to bring a dish to share, it's awkward to bring something just for yourself. For example, for Thanksgiving I offered to bring all of the desserts. I just called to confirm, and found that other desserts had been purchased, and I just needed to bring something for myself. This sends a few messages: 1. my vegan desserts were deemed to be not good enough. In fact, STORE BOUGHT pies would be better. Dude, the fact that they bought store bought pies when I said I'd bake some was a slap in the face. 2. I need to just take care of myself.

To help those of you who don't have first-hand knowledge of being a food pariah, here are some tips.

Ways you can accomodate dietary restrictions well:

1. Plan a meal that falls within the restrictions that everyone can enjoy. My sister once did this phenomenally. She had the whole family work together to make an amazing soup. Everyone shared the same meal, loved the food, and I was able to feel like part of the group. No matter what the restriction, there is an amazing meal that you can make. Take this as an opportunity to try something new!

2. Make enough parts of the meal to fall within the restrictions so that everyone can enjoy the majority of the same dishes. Recently we went to a friend's house for a spaghetti dinner. I was able to have the main dish, just choosing to not put parmesan on top. I skipped the garlic bread(butter) and dessert(butter, probably milk), but I never felt out of place. I had eaten the salad and the main course. It was enough food for me, and it wasn't awkward and I didn't feel singled out.

3. If something can be altered slightly so that everyone can eat it, make the alteration. I'm not asking you to go out and buy vegan butter or anything. Leave the cheese off of salad or pasta and let people put it on themselves. Use oil instead of butter. Use mashed bananas, applesauce, or ground flaxseed in place of eggs. For diabetics, use a natural sweetener like maple syrup, honey, or agave nectar in the place of white sugar. In the case of veganism, making that alteration makes the food healthier. Plus you might find that you like it better! Finding alterations or subsitutions is just a google search away. Taking a small portion and altering it for the one person with the restriction doesn't go over well. While it's better than nothing, it still makes the person feel different and not part of the group.

Let me put a disclaimer that I am not stating this to upset people, merely to inform. I remember being one of those "eat anything" people, and I didn't even consider other people's dietary considerations. Now, with my experience, no matter what the dietary restriction, I would make a meal to accomodate all guests. I could and would make a gluten-free meal, a meal that follows Jain principles, a nut-free meal, or anything else needed. The only thing I would NOT do is provide food to which I am morally opposed, such as meat. But I don't think people are morally opposed to mashed potatoes with soymilk.

Food, and eating together, is such a large part of community. I never realized how big of a deal it would be to me to not be a part of that. I don't even feel like I'm doing the experience justice with my explanation. I wish I could think of a comparable situation.

Perhaps it's like being in a foreign country where you don't speak the language. Even if you have the most considerate person translating for you, it's not the same as understanding the language and being a part of the conversation. I imagine you'd rather everyone spoke the language you understand, even if they don't speak it well. The kind translator is the cook who makes one-person portions that fit the restrictions. Everyone speaking the language is the meal being adjusted to fit the restrictions. Even if it's not an amazing meal, the effort taken to make the experience a shared one will be much appreciated.